Trinidad Year 4: 2020 Hindsight Reflections
It’s been over a year since our last trip to perform at Carnival in Trinidad and Tobago. While I’ve spent a ton of time reflecting on it, it has taken me this long, and the decision to take a year off from our annual voyage, to collect my thoughts in a way that I feel good about sharing. What better time to sit and write (and perhaps for you to read) than in the middle of a global pandemic that is shaking the core of everything we thought we knew about ourselves, our leadership, and our planet?! I hope this finds you safe, healthy, and secure wherever. I also hope that this piece provides an opportunity to escape your current reality for a moment and reflect deeply on your own recent experiences.
As always, there were so many wonderful moments...I want to start by sharing a few highlights: We took a trip to Tobago with our dear friend Rian where we got randomly invited to dance on stage with a local artist at a big fete, we (eventually) negotiated a beautiful, peaceful place to stay, we reconnected with so many amazing friends (like our first hosts Mike and Jody), performed with one of our favorite female soca artists Patrice Roberts for her first solo party called Strength of a Woman, got to be on national TV twice (and once with the King of Soca Machel Montano) thanks to our dear friend Khary, got to represent the Taj Mahal on stilts with our friend Yejide for The Lost Tribe’s presentation honoring Trinidad’s Indian heritage, and finally we made an epic music video with our drummer friend Rhys (watch it below).
If you were following our adventures these are some of the things you might remember. What I couldn’t quite figure out how to share in the moment was how much we struggled as a team behind the scenes. We were all simultaneously dealing with a lot in our personal lives that inevitably seeped into our group dynamics. Our relationship with The Lost Tribe (the mas band we have performed on stilts with for 3 years) was also much more challenging and less supportive than it has been in the past. As the primary organizer and leader of the group I felt pretty consistently frustrated, overwhelmed, and honestly, disappointed. I don’t feel like I can go into the specifics of our experience without sharing more than I’d like to about others in the group, but I also feel like it’s an important part of my own learning process to write and reflect in an open way. I’ve decided, rather than share the stories of our month in Trinidad, to instead share the big lessons that have emerged for me over this last year. I’ll reflect on how my own tendencies play into the broader challenges we encountered, and share my dreams and hopes for how things like this can be different and improved in the future. Perhaps some of it will resonate for you as well.
Number 1
The Lesson: Sometimes you don’t know until you know...but usually when I look back I can see that there were signs I could have paid more attention to and taken more seriously along the way. Let me be a little more specific. Just because I consistently show up hard for someone doesn’t mean they can or will show up for me when I am in need. I can’t give and love with that expectation....but I can take note of the little ways people present themselves to me and be wise about the investments I decide to make until I have a bigger picture in view. This takes time.
The Tendency: I get excited about things! I have big dreams and visions and they are sparkly and shiny and fun! But...they also take a lot of work and require a lot of commitment. I’m not always clear enough on what it will entail to accurately portray that to others. Sometimes expectations get out of hand and they jump into something with me without realizing what they signed up for. My excitement often prevents me from clarifying if they are really up for the task or the right fit for the team. I love collaborating but it has to be in a way that is mutually uplifting and supportive for everyone, otherwise I end up dragging people along (which doesn’t feel good for anyone) and burning myself out in the process.
The Dream: I find the balance between remaining open to receiving people as they are into my world without judging too quickly (it is one of my gifts) AND quickly discerning when something or someone isn’t for me and not feeling guilty about moving on.
I develop a loose framework for how I interact with people (both personally and professionally) that allows them to slowly reveal their level of commitment and to take on responsibility bit by bit before I have to rely on them as part of a bigger team or community.
Number 2
The Lesson: It’s important to go out of your way to show appreciation for the ones who do show up for you, and it is equally important to do it in a way that they can really feel (ie you have to do it in their love language, even if it’s not natural for you).
The Tendency: Growing up my family did not often show physical affection or give verbal praise, so while I crave it and often surround myself with people who are good at that, I don’t often give it out readily either. I’m trying to re-learn this but again...it takes time. I tend to show my appreciation through acts of service, quality time, and loyalty, but that’s not always enough when people need to be shown in other ways.
The Dream: I make sure to take the time to learn how the people I have really invested in best receive acknowledgement and praise. Even though it doesn’t often feel natural to give it out in love languages I don’t readily speak, I make an effort to practice it frequently because I know how much it means for the longevity and health of my dearest relationships.
Number 3
The Lesson: I’m seeking my own personal legend (read the Alchemist if you haven’t already!), and no one else will ever be as committed to it as I am. That’s ok. When I focus on what nurtures and heals me first, the ripples that emenate out from me will do the work of creating healthy collaborations and community for me.
The Tendency: As I mentioned before, my dreams and visions are very bright and strong in my own mind, and I sometimes forget that others don’t share them in their entirety. My passion can be infectious and it can make it hard for people to say no to me. I sometimes take advantage of that to help get us closer to my goal, without realizing they may not share the same goal. This can leave people feeling manipulated and even less invested than they may have originally felt because they may not feel like they have agency or choice in the matter.
The Dream: I build a community of people around me who are equally committed to seeking their own personal legends. Their dreams are similar or connected enough to mine that we can effectively support each other along the way and build together synergistically. I’m reminded of a literal dream I had last summer. I was watching a huge flock of birds flying and well...flocking...in perfect unison as they tend to do. I watched for a while and realized that they were all simultaneously leading and following each other with such ease and grace. The power of their collective movement was so strong and intoxicating that the clouds were beginning to move and dance through the sky with them. That is the way I want to collaborate, lead, and inspire...by trusting enough in my comrades to release the constant need to control...by embracing and learning from difference...by building, step by step, a collaborative and welcoming movement that is so delicious and enticing that everyone is inspired to join.
The Theme
S. L. O. W. D. O. W. N
It’s been the undercurrent of everything I have struggled with in the past few years, from my health challenges to my relationships to my work. Funny how sometimes the universe gives you exactly what you need but struggle to give yourself. I don’t mean to undermine the gravity of this global pandemic and how terrible it is that so many people are dying, starving, struggling to such an extreme...but I do think we have a real opportunity here to use this rapid deceleration of our daily lives to reflect, focus on what is really important, and step into the best, brightest versions of ourselves we can muster. This planet needs us to do better and I have complete faith that we are capable of rising to the challenge...together.
